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4 exercises to turn toxic relationships into healthy ones

Разное (Автор: stranger)
4 exercises to turn toxic relationships into healthy ones


Love is a kind of dance in which we either approach the partner or move away. At some moments you want to be closer, at others - to be alone with yourself. Someone needs more communication, someone more independence. Sometimes this difference in needs leads to toxic relationships. Is there any other way out of the situation besides parting or get rid of problems in relationships?

EXERCISE # 1: TALK
This is not trivial advice. If one or both of you feel unwell in a relationship, first discuss the feelings with your partner.

Important: there can be no right or wrong answers, everyone perceives the situation in their own way and has the right to do so. The essence of the exercise is not to come to a consensus, but so that you can hear and understand each other. If you have different points of view, that's okay, they both have a right to exist.

As long as we believe that the truth is only on our side, we will not be able to hear and understand the feelings of the other. But assuming the thought that the partner may also be right, let us discover a new path that will lead to a joint search for a solution. Every conflict has two sides. As soon as we accept this thought and stop considering our judgments as the ultimate truth, it becomes easier for us to understand our partner.

4 exercises to turn toxic relationships into healthy ones
How to do the exercise. Think back to the last fight and rate the feelings on a scale from 1 (“this is how I felt”) to 5 (“I have not experienced anything like this”):

I defended myself.
I was sad.
I felt misunderstood.
It hurted me.
I felt that I was being criticized.
I felt rejected.
I wanted to leave.
I felt that my opinion did not matter.
I was worried.
I felt lonely.
Think about what caused these feelings. Rate the reasons that may have caused them on a scale from 1 (“that's what I felt”) to 5 (“I haven't experienced anything like it”):

I felt that I was unimportant to my partner.
I felt cold towards my partner.
I felt I was being rejected.
I felt that too much was being demanded of me.
I felt that my partner would not let me near him.
I didn't feel closeness between us.
I felt no attachment.
I felt that my self-esteem was hurt.
I couldn't get my partner's attention.
I felt that my partner was trying to dominate.
EXERCISE # 2: LOOK INTO THE PAST
Once you've figured out your emotional responses, it's time to travel back in time. Unhealed wounds from past relationships or relationships with parents can affect how we communicate with our loved one, react to his words and actions. Try to find a connection between present reactions and past events.

Important: if you have ever experienced sexual abuse, harassment or other serious psychological trauma and your partner does not know about it, now is the time to tell him everything. When we share our pain with a loved one, it helps him to understand us and our reactions much better and allows him to build communication more accurately and consciously.

How to do the exercise. Rate which of these statements best describes your feelings. When your partner offended you, it reminded you:

A previous relationship that ended badly.
About past emotional and psychological trauma.
How your parents treated you.
The deepest fears.
About unfulfilled dreams.
About the events with which you have not yet been able to come to terms.
How other people have treated you.
All the bad things that you think about yourself.
Nightmares that keep you awake.
Study each other's answers, take your time, ask open-ended questions so that the answer allows you to better understand your loved one. This is not a competition, who is worse or who is more right, but a way to understand the deepest fears and traumas of a partner, to give and receive support. If he tells you something shocking, ask for more about the feelings and experiences associated with this event. One answer will work better than years of trying to figure out why he behaves this way.

4 exercises to turn toxic relationships into healthy ones
EXERCISE # 3: RECORD YOUR POINT OF VIEW
Briefly state your position and your partner's position on the fight on paper. Once you do this, you will see that everyone has their own vision of the situation. We are all complex people, and emotional reactions are determined by past experiences, expectations, and desires.

EXERCISE # 4: IDENTIFY YOUR ROLE
When something goes wrong in a relationship, we start looking for the reason in the partner and blame him for everything. In fact, no one is to blame. To get out of the circle of mutual accusations, both must take responsibility for what is happening and admit that they are playing a certain role. To figure out which one, use the list of reasons that could cause you an increased need for intimacy or, conversely, an increased need for independence.

Important: Do not proceed to the exercise if you are angry or upset. When emotions go off scale, it is difficult to adequately assess what is happening
   

 


 

 


3-08-2020, 14:57, просмотров: 327
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